We usually re-live moments through our memories, but the problem with that is you have a different perspective as you look back on memories. I’ve been looking back through a lens of healing and growth and it has given me a rosier picture of my experience. What I wrote as I went through it all was real and raw—I had forgotten.
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We cannot keep spreading the lie that all suffering will automatically yield the sweetest fruit. It is a painful lie we have perpetuated that has left people sitting in the excruciating pain of immense suffering, waiting for the beauty to show up at their doorstep.
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So, I will talk about all that I do to manage my POTS symptoms. All of these things have been small gifts given to me by someone who cares about people like me who deal with Dysautonomia.
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“There are a lot of things I can’t do anymore. I mourn the loss of these things. I feel the pain of the indefinite nature of my condition. But we don’t have to stay there.”
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Today, I slept in till 8:45, made some oatmeal, shared breakfast with my mom, did some yoga,...
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“More than getting better, my hope all along has been to suffer well.”
Read MoreI see a road to wellness ahead. Maybe not completely back to normal, but a new normal with new weaknesses and new strengths
Read More“There is so much pressure to be in constant control of our lives. To be who we want to be and work hard every day to be that person. I so desperately want to be in control of how my home looks and functions, what my marriage looks like, how fit and healthy I am, how I’m handling this illness emotionally and physically. But it’s so tiring! Isn’t it? I think it’s important to set goals and strive for who we want to be, but what happens when we can’t be that? Do we know grace well enough to live under that authority instead?”
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I want you to know the reason why I’m less engaged or less apt to be active. I want you to know how I really am or wish to be. I want to control the image you have of me and I’ll do it however I can: Through social media, conversation, even this blog. How can we keep ourselves from trying to control what we want people to see from our lives? This is the part where you would expect me to write about the answer, but I’m writing more to figure it out for myself.
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How do you learn to receive good news, when all you’ve heard is bad news?
This is the end of one journey and the beginning of another. It’s like the peace you feel when you watch the sun set on a long and hard day. You rest in the fact that the day is over, but you wait for the sun to rise tomorrow. I will keep sitting to watch the sun set, and rest in that peace. It’s over, but tomorrow begins something new. And that’s ok.
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